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{{18 weeks and counting}}

What kind of first time mom would I be if I didn’t bombard you with my ultrasound pictures? Baby moved so much it was hard to get the still shots! a little blurry if you ask me (but still so beautiful)

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2D. Kind of a profile

3D curled up

3D curled up

At the end, finally asleep with hands between legs like mama!!

At the end, finally asleep with hands between legs like mama!!

Making it isn’t easy, but can you believe this is what I’m making?

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Marking the baby

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“Marking” the baby is an old wives’ tale where if you do certain things or certain things happen to you, it will effect the babies personality or physical appearance. For instance if a pregnant woman was to make fun of, or stare at a person with a undesired trait or abnormality then her baby will then have that trait or abnormality.

I know this may sound crazy to some, but there a lot of people who whole-heatedly believe that you can “mark” a baby. And unfortunately I am one of them, to a degree. I blame it on the way I was raised and the fact that I can do a thing around my mother without her telling me not to do that/ say that/ look at that or else it will mark my baby and she doesn’t have much patience for ugly babies.

Now I’m not as psycho as others I know may be about “marking” my baby but I refuse to call someone ugly or unattractive now (I try not to even think it) and I’m constantly praying that my baby will have this trait from me or that trait from this relative. I don’t think there’s any harm in it. And heck all else fails I’ve quit putting some negativity into the world. Right? However I do still think it’s ok to imitate the kangaroo on the commercial. Not like my baby is going to come out with a pouch 😯 (oh God I hope not).

But get this: I’m so peculiar about who I let touch me! I’ve always been a give me “3 feet of personal space” kind of gal, but now it’s like “back away from the preggo!!” Not only do I not want people to touch me because I just hate to be touched but I don’t want their bad vibes/personalities/demons/facial features/etc transferring to my baby and “marking” her. I feel nuts even saying it but it’s how I feel. 😦

Whether “marking” a baby may be nothing more than a old wives’ tale, on the other hand it may have some truth in it. It could be like karma: the baby edition. Either way I guess I’m not taking any chances. What mom-to-be doesn’t want a pretty healthy baby? I look at it as giving my baby an edge. 😆

Making it isn’t easy, but can we make it pretty?

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The Worst

{{14 weeks and counting}}

Of course a woman being pregnant is nothing new under the sun, but why must every mother and even those who have never been pregnant tell you horror stories? I am so over it! Yes, misery loves company but why must I be your company?

I can’t comment on any minor victory (like the fact that morning sickness is now almost completely a thing of the past 😀 ) without someone going “well prepare for the ______” For instance the other day I was telling my mother about my crazy dreams and nightmares. Her response was ” Well, in 6 more months you’ll be glad to have nightmares because you won’t be getting any sleep.” REALLY MOM? Before I was pregnant I was the child that slept as long as she would that didn’t want to be touched (still don’t but that’s another post). Now, I was the demon baby from hell who needed constant attention and never slept. 🙄

I’m also so tired of hearing about how much I must miss drinking and how miserable I’m going to be this summer. For the record, I don’t really miss drinking, maybe the social aspect of it and a glass of red wine here and there would fix my craving if I had any (yes red wine is okay people!) And I’m not going to be any hotter than your 300 lb cousin is. Go remind him how hot summer is, please and thank you.

Why can’t people just leave well enough alone? Pregnant women do NOT need to hear about the worst pregnancies and new mommy experiences. If it’s in the cards for them to experience tough times trust me, your “cautionary tale” won’t help at all!

In the words of pretty much every mom and teacher EVER “if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all.

Making it isn’t easy, but your horror story isn’t making it any better!!

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Papa Don’t Preach

I’m 23, single, and unemployed. About as close to the ideal situation to bring a baby into this world as Uranus is to the sun. At least I’m not a teenager. But then again those 16 & Pregnant checks look pretty good right about now. My choice to have this baby really doesn’t effect anyone but me, I’m an adult and I always bounce back on my feet. So why was I so damn scared to tell my parents that their GROWN daughter was pregnant?

I just knew my mother would be disappointed but would get over it. She’d probably cry and look at me with sad, hurt, eyes but then she’d sigh and say “well, I’m here for you.” After an hour of so of playing around singing with my mom and her beau (while they drank I asked “How much do you love me?” She replied with “Why are you pregnant?” I nodded and she walked off laughing. She came back and had a heart to heart about how hard it would be to be a single mother. I cried and told her I”m sorry for disappointing her and she told me I wasn’t and I’d be ok. Just like I imagined, right?

The next morning reality hit. I don’t know if she was just putting on in case her beau overheard our conversation, if she was drunk, or if she just had time to think on it but any comfort I had the night before was gone. She let me know that she wasn’t and couldn’t help me, that I wasn’t welcomed back home, reminded me how low I am in life. Each word a wasp stinging my exposed flesh. I wanted nothing more than to go sit in the closet and cry myself to sleep like I did most of my adolescence and childhood. So much for my fantasy of having her support.

Now as for my dad. My 21 year old half-sister is pregnant too. That didn’t go over well with my father. I got the most irate phone call and actually got fussed at when I took her side a month or so ago. They still aren’t speaking. But I think that’s participial on my sister, her feelings are hurt, as my would be too. I just knew he wouldn’t be supportive, that he’d tell me off and to abort. I’m finally in a good place with him. I don’t want those feelings of being unwanted and mistreated by him that plagued me most of my life to resurface. I’m still stinging from my mom, he doesn’t need to know yet. I’ll keep you updated.

One week closer to the safety zone, one step farther away from any security I had. Making it isn’t easy, and apparently it hurts like hell.